Mirroring thru the Shadows

As I was reading this life-changing book (that’s a new genre) at my favourite near place, I notice my shadow. The shadow shows strands of my messy hair, I have no idea how it looked like in someone else’s eye but I’m sure it looks pleasant.

 

Seeing without seeing is a matter of trust and intuition. I feel I have been seeing the world with colored eyes, when things could be seen plainly.

 

We always want to look good, in order to best represent what we want, but what if we are unarmed? Would you rather care to view things differently-or- Would you trust what you just can see?

 

I have been selecting my thoughts lately, controlling what I need to do and I still suck on it. I’ve been instilling measures of what I need to do. I would be suicidal if don’t see results but thankfully I have been seeing it but this human nature of discontentment seems to overtake all the time.

 

With this blinding force, I will always have the spot to see beauty in the ugliest experience I have.

What I have learned?

In this I’m trying to recall some sticky information, that usually haunts me every now and then, and when i say that, it caught me at least twice a week.

 

The problem with SOME street smart is they will always die knowing that they are good and they are above the table, and the NOT-SO-GOOD will always die trying to be the smart ones. the problem with that is, I see a good relationship between choosing and realizing. Given the amount of advantage the street smart has, but the NSG (Not-so-good) ones can pretty catch up with dedication and of course choosing the right path.

They should balance between thinking and doing, it’s like a chemistry class where we have theories and we have experiment, the right mixture will make them no less than the smart ones and before they even realize it, they are already one, the problem with that, they set a heavenly standard for themselves and they almost forgot, they already gone a long way.

 

***

 

Prayer is something, i admit, i haven’t doing for a long time now. Probably, I have no excuse for not doing so. And if I count my wasted times, it’ll make me depress and plan AGAIN.

I strongly believe in the comfort of my own faith, in which I should find my inner divinity to satisfy my spiritual thirst.

 

***

 

There’s this idea of a brighter tomorrow, in spite of every hardships of today. I just know, I should take this day by day and live for today!

Angst no. 00765 (I shall return!)

Nothing new but something exciting is coming. There’ll be better days but there’ll be not-better ones, the bitter (not in the way we use this). This is not in terms of a love point of view, not a career one too. I have to admit more of a self rebellion and a mind puzzle.
What Adam sings whatayawant? (if i could only knew) from me? Maybe I do but I don’t know if i could be honest enough to admit. I’ve been missing on a lot but, it’s a miss I know I’m not worthy taking (for now).
I should be a notch higher now, a bit leveled. When the stakes are high, everyone will go get it (anyway they want) and we resort to cheating it!
I still have the edge, and i’m not using it all the time.
When I count my blessings (with an S) I know i have plenty of them and i couldn’t appreciate it for some time. Feels like i have the grip for only a month.
I couldn’t live a life bound with routine, no autonomy and unrewarding for my brain.
This angst is coming from you! You with the shallow sense of understanding. for not believing in me, for constantly pulling me down (When in the end it boost you even down). and I’ve been working my ass out for 4 years now and you have just started this.
Before i declare this selfish innerness, you’ll hate me, condemn me, but i’ll say "if you don’t like it F! You!"
And before you actually plan to rage on me again, Oh honey! you know what i’ll say! you have a junk crowned on your head!

What I’ve been to lately

Clearly I’m afraid when people asked me “Have you stop writing?”, Partly yes, and partly no, I’ve been keeping my notes up to my journal and the yes part would be because, I’m way too busy with work, family and friends.

 

This was actually the first time since new year, that I stayed the whole day at home and do nothing just tune in to the TV and listen to some new music, which I was not privilege to for the past month.

 

It was fast and catching it was somewhat natural, and when I’m bound or learn about others, it annoys me.

 

Just bear this quote, having a Nikon doesn’t make you a photographer, it makes you a Nikon owner.

How are you?

Well, I’ve been TRYING to be busy lately, even though I ‘m not sure where I’m heading to. I just can’t face everything on an idle. Its those days when I stop dreaming because it only makes me very down.

 

Now my plea to you, please let me, please let me go back to the things I do best. I’m not good with heart and no matter how I prepare or inspire myself, it won’t work.

 

As I see people who’s in it, I dont think I wanted to be in their shoes and what’s annoying, is when you’re actually not into it, you rush to be in.

 

I want to be happy not just for days but even only for a month, because it sucks to wait and even more to love.

I bet you miss me

It’s been a week since I last post something here. I was busy going out with friends this past few days and I’m still looking for an acceptable answer to the million dollar question.

 

What I learn was, self-control is something we shouldn’t try controlling because it will only leave us with an utter disappointment of defeat. If we don’t have the right tools for it, we will end up blaming ourselves and causing self-damage. So a piece of advice, the more you stop, the more you pop!

 

As what I said to a friend earlier, if you’re bothered by a stupid act, that you wanted to take, Go for it, because you will do it later on. Better do it now, than suffer the pain of over thinking it, it will make no difference if you postpone it, the results will be the same no matter how you jumble all the things.

 

In terms of a friends love relationship, well the past will haunt your present but I may say, let go of all the things that makes you cry, let go of things that makes you wanna feel getting drunk. Don’t let drama ruin your day hence let the present do it. The past should be kept in a box or inside a bottle, throw it in the sea and never ever expect that it will be returned by a stranger.

 

And last for the conclusion of my week break, He may be a source of your hearty smile, but we have to learn that the source of this can deceiving us for his own personal entertainment. It will be best if we stay at bay, avoid the waves and build your own sand castle.

Our dearest Tita

My Aunt’s sudden passing made me realized quite a number of things actually, whether be it in Life in general and Life artistically. Our family embraced the start of the BER months in a complete different fashion where I was a big part of arranging my cousins wedding to the sad farewell of Tita.

The wedding of course was planned 7 weeks before the actual day and Tita was giving signs 7 days before she left. In the course of making the wedding memorable, the last struggle of Tita is very much alive on my thoughts.

The signs she gave her son was, she was already seeing her husband who passed away a year ago and she gave her kept treasures to her sons and daughter. This includes her favourite portrait photo whom she described as the picture she wanted in her burial, her birth certificate, her photo when she was 6 years old and her teenage picture.

She wanted to speak to all her brothers and sisters, engaging in their last simple talk. My last clear memory of her before she was taken away is, when I checked on my cousins house and she was there sitting in front of our veranda, it was 6:00 am, she said to me “Erick, You’re early”, I smiled and replied to her. “Ya, I haven’t slept, I was up all night.”

She was a fan of small talk, and she always wanted to check on everyone how are we doing. That I will surely miss.

She was my first employer, Everyone knew how good she was on cooking and how experienced she was in taking care of everyone, that’s why all of my cousin calls her “Yaya”.

I was 14 or 13 when she hired me to be in her crew in a birthday party of a good friend. She gave a p300 for my service and for that reason I felt I could conquer anything and I could be a good servant.

It doesn’t end there, I have a part time job and I never fail to give my utmost service to every occasion we served. I feel so guilty as I write these meaningful lines as I haven’t grab a chance to express how grateful I am to her.

On her funeral mass, we finally say our last prayers to her, my tears are rolling very fast, I remember saying to her ‘Ya, you can rest now’, I was repeatedly saying that.

Right now, we can joke about how we are scared if she tries to show her presence, how his youngest son delivers his speech, how funny and innocent her grand daughter was, but as we all faced the still of night, when we offer a prayer before we sleep, it’s very hard to picture that the only thing she left was, the memories with her.

I promise to be there for her family and to always pray, to pray that in spite of her sudden passing, I must live my life; meaningfully and compassionately.

I may be facing a lot of years before I face this kind of situation but I want to start a life full of love and prayers.

We’ll miss you and we love you Ya!

This was the picture she wanted to be on her wake.